Values - Week 2 SYL

 

I did an exercise like this years ago when my second boy was just a baby. At the time I was doing group therapy in Mindfulness because I had been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and was participating in a study at Macquarie university to test the effectiveness of Mindfulness compared with Cognitive behaviour therapy.

I can't remember what I listed as my values back then, and don't know how much they have changed since then, but I do know that at the time it helped me immensely, because pretty much every decision you make, every goal you set, will be (or should be) in some way based on your values.  If you aren't clear on what your values are, then it is virtually impossible to align your goals and decision making with your values.

When I read through Debra Dane's list the ones that stood out as being most important to me were, learning, intuition, dependable, open-mindedness, authenticity, nurturing, family, resilience, self-development, success, integrity, happiness, courage, and originality.

My top five are:


1. Family
2. Authenticity
3. Learning
4. Courage
5. Happiness


Family is absolutely without a doubt the thing that is most important to me on the list. I am pretty sure it was my number one 7 years ago when I did the Mindfulness course. However, although it is number 1 for me,  it is something that I have worked on so much in the last 7 -10 years, that it comes naturally, and my goals and decisions usually reflect that. 

Choosing my second value was more difficult, but at this point in time I am going to choose *authenticity*. Sometimes I feel like I make decisions based on what I think that other people think, and let's face it, that is not the way I want to live my life. I want to make sure that the decisions I make are mine. Not that I think I am 'inauthentic', but I think sometimes I give too much weight to what others think, or what they may think. I also think that sometimes I go along with things or avoid things, because I don't want people's disapproval, or I want to make them happy. I am too diplomatic sometimes, because I want people to like me. I want to have the confidence to say what I really think and be open with my thoughts and accept that some people may not agree with me, and that's ok. 


My third is learning. I am a great believer of the importance of education, both for myself, my husband, and my children. I don't always believe that mainstream education does a very good job of igniting the love of learning. I am embarking on some more study again this year which I feel is important for my value, but I also want to make sure that my children grow up with a love of learning.

My fourth value, courage, I talked about a bit with authenticity, but it is broader than that. It is courage to stand up for my values, to make choices based on my values, to be a little 'fearless', to not be scared of the answer being no.  It is courage to put my family first - ALL.THE.TIME. Because that is important to me. I guess I want to be more courageous with the big things and the little things. I have lost quite a lot of confidence since becoming a mother, and I think one of the ways to get that back is by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway'. 


And happiness is my 5th. If I think about it for longer I will probably move it higher up my list, as I think that it is really important. I had a breakthrough moment last year when someone asked me my definition of success. I didn't find it easy to come up with a definition, and thought about it over the following few weeks. After lots of thought, he shared his definition with me which was 'happiness', and although it may be a bit simplistic, I think there is a lot of truth in it. I would like my definition of success to be happiness. If I am happy then I am successful. If I am happy, and my family is happy, then surely we are on the right track? Conversely, if any of us are not happy, then surely we need to re-assess things. I guess that happiness is my canary in the mine - if we are not happy then something is wrong. 


So there you have it, what may be my longest blog post ever. If you have managed to get this far then - wow! I'm impressed! 


What are your values? 


I'm linking up with here with week 2 of SYL, head on over to read more about values.
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SYL: Week 1

Week #1 Challenge: Create a list of everything that went “right” in 2011 

I find it hard to do things like this, I don't know whether it feels too much like conforming when it is someone else's questions, or whether it feels to self-indulgent to post on my blog, I really don't know why I don't like doing things like this. However, I think really highly of Deb from Home Life Simplified and I thought, what have I got to lose, so decided to give it a go.

What energised you?
Moving out of my comfort zone was something that energised me. It was hard initially, as I was outside my comfort zone in so many ways due to moving which was something I didn't have control of. I had to meet new people, at a new school, new playgroup. I had to get to know a new city. I found this really difficult, as I had been SO happy in Adelaide, and we had been part of a beautiful and loving community, that I actually spent a lot of time grieving over the loss of that at the beginning of 2011 I didn't want to try and replicate it in Melbourne, and found it hard to motivate myself to get out and meet people. While I haven't replicated what we had in Adelaide, I have met lots of really special people, and am much happier than I was at the beginning of 2011.

I have been blogging since the beginning of 2009, but at the beginning of 2011 I was inspired to be brave and go create a public blog. It made me feel energised, and being brave with sharing things on my blog also made me feel energised.
I also got out of my comfort zone and did a photography course, something I have wanted to do since I did photography in year 12 at school. I loved it immensely, and am so glad that I finally had the courage to put it as a priority and do it.

What made you feel happy?
Doing a photography course, cooking, cooking more, buying my Thermomix and learning how to use it, being creative, getting out of my comfort zone and experimenting with cooking, craft, trying to sew, blogging, photography, learning how to edit photos, sharing photos. seeing my children adjust to a new school and be happy there, getting to know new people and find some common interests and values, learning how to keep my house tidier through the Flylady.

What made you feel at peace?
Spending time with my family, taking photos, being at the beach.

What positive people lifted you up?
My husband, many of the women I met through playgroup, school, and through blogs; my children.

What filled your “tank”?
Celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary, trips to the beach, a trip away by myself, realising that having a perfect house doesn't matter to real friends or make your children happy, getting away on spontaneous trips and feeling free.

What worked to bring your family together?
Eating meals together, going to the beach, exploring things together, doing craft activities.

What is something that made you feel excited to dive right in?
2011 the things that made me really excited were photography, and experimenting with thermomix cooking.

What did you learn (positive things)?
That I feel passionate about photography, that I love being in the kitchen.

What are you grateful for?
My beautiful little family. So very, very grateful; each and every moment of every single day.

Despite my initial reluctance, I am so glad that I did this, as it has helped clarify a few things.

I think that a there are a few recurring themes here: I love photography, I love to cook, I love my family, and getting out of my comfort zone energises me. The beach makes me really happy too. 

Head over here to see more about the 52 week challenge.