Monday 16 January 2012

Values - Week 2 SYL



I did an exercise like this years ago when my second boy was just a baby. At the time I was doing group therapy in Mindfulness because I had been diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and was participating in a study at Macquarie university to test the effectiveness of Mindfulness compared with Cognitive behaviour therapy.

I can't remember what I listed as my values back then, and don't know how much they have changed since then, but I do know that at the time it helped me immensely, because pretty much every decision you make, every goal you set, will be (or should be) in some way based on your values.  If you aren't clear on what your values are, then it is virtually impossible to align your goals and decision making with your values.

When I read through Debra Dane's list the ones that stood out as being most important to me were, learning, intuition, dependable, open-mindedness, authenticity, nurturing, family, resilience, self-development, success, integrity, happiness, courage, and originality.

My top five are:


1. Family
2. Authenticity
3. Learning
4. Courage
5. Happiness


Family is absolutely without a doubt the thing that is most important to me on the list. I am pretty sure it was my number one 7 years ago when I did the Mindfulness course. However, although it is number 1 for me,  it is something that I have worked on so much in the last 7 -10 years, that it comes naturally, and my goals and decisions usually reflect that. 

Choosing my second value was more difficult, but at this point in time I am going to choose *authenticity*. Sometimes I feel like I make decisions based on what I think that other people think, and let's face it, that is not the way I want to live my life. I want to make sure that the decisions I make are mine. Not that I think I am 'inauthentic', but I think sometimes I give too much weight to what others think, or what they may think. I also think that sometimes I go along with things or avoid things, because I don't want people's disapproval, or I want to make them happy. I am too diplomatic sometimes, because I want people to like me. I want to have the confidence to say what I really think and be open with my thoughts and accept that some people may not agree with me, and that's ok. 


My third is learning. I am a great believer of the importance of education, both for myself, my husband, and my children. I don't always believe that mainstream education does a very good job of igniting the love of learning. I am embarking on some more study again this year which I feel is important for my value, but I also want to make sure that my children grow up with a love of learning.

My fourth value, courage, I talked about a bit with authenticity, but it is broader than that. It is courage to stand up for my values, to make choices based on my values, to be a little 'fearless', to not be scared of the answer being no.  It is courage to put my family first - ALL.THE.TIME. Because that is important to me. I guess I want to be more courageous with the big things and the little things. I have lost quite a lot of confidence since becoming a mother, and I think one of the ways to get that back is by pushing myself out of my comfort zone and 'feeling the fear and doing it anyway'. 


And happiness is my 5th. If I think about it for longer I will probably move it higher up my list, as I think that it is really important. I had a breakthrough moment last year when someone asked me my definition of success. I didn't find it easy to come up with a definition, and thought about it over the following few weeks. After lots of thought, he shared his definition with me which was 'happiness', and although it may be a bit simplistic, I think there is a lot of truth in it. I would like my definition of success to be happiness. If I am happy then I am successful. If I am happy, and my family is happy, then surely we are on the right track? Conversely, if any of us are not happy, then surely we need to re-assess things. I guess that happiness is my canary in the mine - if we are not happy then something is wrong. 


So there you have it, what may be my longest blog post ever. If you have managed to get this far then - wow! I'm impressed! 


What are your values? 


I'm linking up with here with week 2 of SYL, head on over to read more about values.
image credit

21 comments:

  1. Hi Sannah! I'm a fellow SYL 2012 follower. This is a great post. I particularly liked your value of authenticity. I think a lot of people can relate to doing or saying things based on what they think other people will think of them, I know I certainly do. As much as some people say "I don't care what anyone thinks", I think there is a part of them that really does. I look forward to following you throughout this year :)

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    1. Hey Mel, thank you so much for your comment. Great to hear that you are doing the SYL too! I have been thinking that perhaps a better word for authenticity might have been integrity. Not quite sure, but hopefully my explanation explains where I am coming from :)
      There is a really big part of me that cares what people think, in fact it is the overwhelming part of me. It is definitely something I want to work on.
      Look forward to continuing the journey with you this year.
      x Sannah

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  2. Hello. I'm doing SYL too. My values are Learning, Freedom, Hope, Harmony, Playfulness. After reading your list, I am now kind of wondering how family didn't make it into my list at all! I know I'm trying to work out a place for myself in this new world of wife and motherhood and it feels sometimes like family is omnipresent and so didn't need to be on it. Maybe. It was a great exercise anyway. I'm really interested to hear that you did it a while ago and can look back on it - I am looking forward to that in a few years too.

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    1. It's interesting seeing other people's values and seeing that something they have didn't make it onto your list, even though it is really important to you, isn't it?
      I kept telling myself while I was writing this, it isn't forever, these are just my values at this particular moment in time, I can change, and so can my values; and even if I don't list something, it doesn't mean it isn't important to me.
      I really need to try and see if I have kept the one I did before and see how much it changed :)
      x Sannah

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  3. Loved it, I really liked your explanations as well, this was a hard task for me this time.

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    1. It was a hard task wasn't it? I'm glad you liked my explanations :)
      x Sannah

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  4. I've only just made a start at defining my values, and I think I would have difficulty ranking them too. I think what is most important is to discover what drives you. What makes you who you are and how you relate to the world. Seems like you've done that Sannah.

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    1. Hi Laney,
      I wasn't sure when doing my values whether it would be better to read other's first, or whether that would skew me. In the end I read about three and decided I better go and do mine! I'm not sure that I'm naturally driven by my values, which is why I think it is important for me to clarify them so that I can refer to them when I make decisions.
      Look forward to reading yours when you do it!
      x Sannah

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  5. I really enjoy your writing style Sannah, it's like you are talking to me. I know what you mean about taking on what others think. I was talking about that today with 'wang' and he was saying when being true to yourself you've also got to accept your own contradictions, being comfortable with it and not have to defend your contradictions. Interesting discussion.

    Hey, what will you be studying this year? That sounds like a cool thing to do!

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    1. Hey Gemma,
      That is just about the nicest thing anyone has said to me for such a long time - thank you, it has really made my day.
      Wang has got it in a 'nutshell' (so to speak!), hasn't he? Accepting your own contradictions, I hadn't thought about it like that, but I really like it.
      I'm going to be studying law this year (please don't hold it against me!). I started while we were in adelaide, but had to give it up because we moved. I need to transfer to a distance education course, and am trying to decide between Deakin in Melbourne or UNE in NSW. I've also decided to become a thermomix consultant, so it is going to be a busy year :)
      xx Sannah

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  6. I really liked what you wrote about courage and linking it back to your authenticity. It is hard to feel the fear and do it anyway, but be kind to yourself and take it one step at a time~!

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  7. This was a very interesting read, it struck home in quite a few ways with me. Different from my list but still so close.

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  8. I'm really enjoying what others are writing about their values. Family and authenticity are up there for me as well. I've been a people-pleaser in the past, and it sucked me dry. Courage is actually one of the words I've chosen to focus on this year. It's sad that we lose confidence in some areas when we become a mother (I've been there and am getting mine back!) Thanks for sharing your five :)

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  9. I love your list and explanations and can relate to them a lot as evidenced by my own list. Remember these are just top5 to give us focus as we move through the year - it does not mean other things are not important to you. For some people trying to focus on a lot of things leads to getting off course etc but if we want to make changes or heighten certain areas it helps to keep the discuss on syl in focus (but on your own in regular life it is normal to have others - my "extras' are reflected in my mission statement which you will see on Thursday.

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  10. Fantastic list and I also really liked the way you spoke about each value and why it was important to you. Some of my values are similar to yours.

    I also liked your about me section {this is my first time to your blog and I came via Deb`s SYL challenge}- eloping to samoa, homeschooling your children {and using steiner method} and your education history it was easy to see from that as well why your values were listed as they are! Seems they sum you up quite well!

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  11. Fantastic post and list :) Well done. I think the first line you mentioned that resonated with me is : " If you aren't clear on what your values are, then it is virtually impossible to align your goals and decision making with your values. " That is so true and indeed such a great way to morph your values and your goals and decisions :) thank you.

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  12. Hey - I too am doing SYL and really enjoyed your post (wow feeling like my post is REALLY long now that you've mentioned the length of yours). I enjoyed reading it all, such a lovely style to your writing. I have some similar values and really liked your 5th value Happiness, it's funny it didnt make my list but it is at the core of alot of the ones I picked!

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  13. Loved reading this Sannah. I love getting an insight into what makes you, well you. We have heaps of shared views on things. I somehow left courage and integrity off my list. I had freedom - which I think encompasses authenticity. I have done a bit of work on mindfulness too and it is great to refresh the memory on this stuff and see what has changed.

    PS Can't believe that I am not a "follower" I am sure that I get your RSS feeds. Anyway, I am now. x

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  14. Hi Sannah, I've justed started reading the #syl12 posts, what a great idea. My head is reeling actually, have never thought of doing a mission statement for the family but can see wisdom of it.

    You will have a busy year, how exciting you'll be a Thermomix consultant.. they are fantasic devices and one of my plans for this year is to go to some classes and read more recipe books for Thermomix.

    All the best, Seana xx

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  15. It's interesting how you've listed values for things you want to prioritise and work towards amidst values you feel are current ones. It's been a challenge putting my list together and I'm in the final refining stages. I never included that line of thinking in my process. I might go back and think about that.

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  16. Hi Sannah, Your description of your fourth value resonated with me. I felt the same about losing confidence since becoming a Mum. I relied too much on what everyone else thought was best for my family and not on what I thought myself. I have been listening to my own inner voice again since last year. I have found I am strong and the decisions I make are happy ones for my family. You can do this and the more you do the stronger you will get and your confidence will come back as well.

    I am taking part in Deb's wonderful challenge too, so will pop in on you again. I enjoyed your post. Hope you are having a lovely day.

    Cheers, Deb

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